


Always with you

by AgentTaro



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Season 5, Tahiti (Agents of SHIELD)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27496357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentTaro/pseuds/AgentTaro
Summary: The sun rests in Tahiti as Phil and Melinda share their last moments together.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

It was a fresh morning. The sun beamed through the gaps of the blinds that covered the windows. It casted a beautiful, golden ray on Melinda’s face as she laid with the blanket tangled around her. It was something that Phil always loved waking up to. She woke up later than she used to since they arrived at Tahiti - no more fighting, no more paperwork, no more SHIELD. It was just them. It surprised Phil when he woke up earlier than her, and each time he did, he just smiles and gently tucked the hair behind her ear. And Melinda craved for his touch. She shuffled closer to Phil, into his embrace and they stay like that. Despite the warmth that Tahiti provided, there was something different about the warmth of being held by the person they’ve both yearned for. Every morning was like that for him. But somehow, this time, it was different.

Phil woke up feeling tired. Everywhere in his body felt heavier. He tried to control his breathing and reassure himself that he was okay. But he knew he wasn’t. Phil looked at Melinda. She still rested beside him. Instead, it was Phil who moved in first to wrapped his arms around Melinda. She nuzzled herself closer and Phil never felt so emotional. He wanted to hold her more, to be with her more, but it wasn’t their fate to live to a hundred. They were lucky enough to live for as long as they did with working in SHIELD. Usually, by that time, Phil and Melinda were both conscious and awake but wouldn’t move for thirty more minutes before someone gets hungry. However, Phil wanted to move. It was only a minute before he got up and headed to the wardrobe where he pulled out a hawaiian shirt and a pair of shorts. Melinda sat up and stared at him.  
‘What are you up to?’ He broke their simple morning routine.  
‘Do you want to spend breakfast on the shore this time?’ He asked.  
Of course she did. Melinda did everything that Phil suggested during their vacation because she didn’t want to regret anything.  
‘Okay,’ She smiled softly. She tried to not think of why Phil wanted to change it up, because already knew why from the moment his warm embrace felt colder.

It was ten AM, and the waves danced along the shore and the palm trees swayed. Melinda prepared a simple breakfast meal, Pancakes and fruit, while Phil set up the deck chairs at front. As they ate, they began talking about their youth. Melinda wasn’t a fan of nostalgia but she couldn’t help but wonder.  
‘How did you become obsessed with Captain America?’  
Phil pondered back, ‘My dad always talked about Captain America and how great he was in World War Two, saving thousands because he could. It was one the of the main reasons why I joined SHIELD.’  
‘So,’ Melinda smirked, ‘how far did that obsession go? Like I know all about your comics and playing cards but did you have underwear with his face on it?’  
He chuckled, ‘Wow, no. It didn’t go that far. But I have to admit, I was quite a mess when I met him. I’m sure I said something a bit weird about looking after him while he slept.’  
Melinda laughed at his awkward appreciation for that man. She remembered the voicemail he left her that day, and all he ever did was ramble about his hero until Fury called for him.  
‘What if you didn’t join SHIELD, what did you think you would’ve done?’  
‘Honestly, I think the framework was pretty accurate. I wouldn’t mind being a history teacher, to live a domestic life,’ he paused, ‘hoping to raise a family someday. My dad was a good man for the nine years he was with me. After he passed, my mom would always talk about how much he wanted to do this and that with me, and I thought that maybe having kids and planning day outs with them, I get to be the man my dad was, you know.’  
Melinda looked at him, they shared the same feeling of loss. They knew that dedicating their life to SHEILD meant that they had the sacrifice a part of themselves. But they still hoped. ‘I may have regrets, but if I didn’t join SHIELD, I wouldn’t have met Captain America, or FitzSimmons, Mack and Elena,’ he got up, sat beside her and clasped his hand against hers, ‘And I wouldn’t have met you nor Daisy. My life began with you, Mel.’  
Melinda couldn’t bare looking at him at that moment, she just rested her head on his shoulder while she stroked his knuckles. They were both in a sensitive state.  
‘You were always a helpless romantic, you nerd.’ She responded playfully after some time. His shoulders shook as he laughed.

‘Hey Mel, look at me,’ she looked up and saw how his eyes were slightly glistening in the Tahitian sun, ‘this is for you.’ He reached into his pocket and pulled out a simple bracelet. Phil wrapped it so timidly around her wrist and kept holding her hand.  
‘Thank you.’ Melinda’s voice was quiet. She never expected gifts, it was surprising how Phil managed to find something after their recent mission left them with barely any sleep.  
‘Where was this from?’  
‘Russia.’ Her brows furrowed.  
‘That one mission we had together when you saved my defenceless ass, we had free time to kill. So, we both went to town and there was this mini night market going on and that’s where I bought it. Back then, I hoped that civilian number fourteen wasn’t the one.’

’How did you manage to keep this for like a decade?’

’Honestly, it’s a miracle that it wasn’t destroyed when the playground blew up. I went to my office with Robbie to talk to him and remembered that it was in the safe.’ A slight hint of anger and hurt was painted in Melinda’s eyes as she was reminded of the Ghost Rider. She quickly tried to hide it but Phil caught her downcast gaze.

’I’m sorry.’ He lifted his arm to wrap around her shoulder, dragging her into his embrace and kiss to her temple. She leaned into him, and sighed.

‘So, you liked me since Russia?’

‘Well actually... I, uh-‘ Phil was distracted by something he noticed in the water. ‘What was that?’ He stood up and dragged Melinda with him.  
‘What?’ She asked, following him.  
Phil brought her up to the water and inspected closer. She did the same, yet failing to find what he saw. He grinned. With his hand tightly holding her’s, he ran into the cold water, pulling her in. The refreshing blues drenched their clothes and Melinda was shocked by the sudden rush of cold.  
‘You bastard!’ She exclaimed. Her hands cupped the water and shoved it to Phil’s face. They spent the afternoon playing around, trying to get each other back. They laughed, after all the sappy talk, they needed a break.  
For his own sake, Phil created a distraction. He wasn’t sure how much more he could’ve said to Melinda at that moment before breaking down. Admitting he liked her for so long only made it worse for him.


	2. Chapter 2

Two days later, Phil slept for longer. It was Melinda’s turn to wake up before the other. She panicked, looking at his chest for his staggered breathing. The bottom of her lip quivered ever so slightly as she looked up to him with glassy eyes. A stray tear ran down her cheek. It was inevitable, Melinda knew that. At that moment, it was painful to see someone so drained and vulnerable because there was literally nothing to do. No cure, no surgery, no resurrections. She hated that. She hated that no matter how much the Earth was destroyed, she couldn’t do anything to keep Phil alive. When Robin said, it made it more difficult for her to find control. It had always been her job to protect Phil, as an agent and friend. And with the universe against Melinda, she was forced to watch herself fail as the colour in Phil’s face pale before her.  
She spent five minutes just looking at him. The stream of tears grew stronger, her lip bit to keep herself from wailing out. When she reached to lay closer to him, he didn’t respond immediately. Melinda thought that that was it. Surely after several long seconds, his arm rested on top of her that was wrapped around his stomach. Melinda released a breath of relief, and it gave it away for Phil. He turned to face her and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. 

‘I’m sorry.’ His voice filled with guilt was quiet. ‘I’m really sorry, Mel.’

’Phil, don’t.’ Her voice wavered, ‘Let’s not, okay?’

Melinda could’ve referred to anything but Phil didn’t protest. It was harsh for both of them, anything would’ve made it harder. He looked at her tear stained cheeks, her puffed eyes, the tightened grip of her hand on his arm. To do anything to make it stop, to stop her from suffering, would be Phil’s one wish he’d make. But he’s no God. He’s no inhuman, either. Just a mortal surrounded by heroes. He wished it never had to be like this.   
  


One more kiss to her cheek and Phil got up to head to the kitchen. Melinda stayed behind to compose herself again, splashing cold water on her face and changing into a flowery dress. The aroma of grilled cheese reached the room as she walked to the kitchen. He was preparing for another picnic outside, so started preparing the drinks.

’Smells nice.’ Melinda smiled as if she never broke down a few minutes prior. He smiled back.   
‘’Coulson Family Special’ grilled cheese.’

’Remember the first time you made it for us?’

’The weekend after Peru, 2001?’

’No, it was after Michigan. We were both isolated in the safe house because of the 084.’

’Oh yeah,’ he thought back to that day, ‘never really trusted you with a knife since then.’ He playfully mocked.

’Hey, you’re lucky you never said too much back then, I was in charge of cutting and at least you still have your balls.’ She nudged at his rib as they joked around before reaching into the wine rack.

’Wow, this early?’

’It’s 11am, and we’re on vacation, who cares?’   
  
No one cared. It was their world they’re living in.  
  


It was like every other midday. The sun hung high above them, palm trees bowed down to protect them from the strong rays of heat. With the outside warmth, it was easily for Melinda to rest her eyes a drift to a light sleep. But only this time, she promised her self to rest for just a few minutes, not too long. Five minutes later, her eyes shifted as the bright sunlight woke her up. As she awoke, there was Phil looking at her with his cute, puppy-like eyes and a shy smile.

’What are you doing?’ She questioned.

’I like watching you sleep.’ Since they arrived, Phil really got to see Melinda actually rest. A rare and grateful moment he gets to see. So peaceful.

’This whole island’s like a sound machine. Easy to fall asleep.’

Phil nodded his head in agreement as she sat up.

’You know, you never really told me when you first liked me, yesterday.’ 

’Truthfully,’ he paused, ‘it was back at the academy.’

’Seriously? We haven’t even met each other enough back then.’ The statement caused a genuine surprise from Mel.

’Yeah, I know. But it was those small moments when we would bump into each other in the hallway to class, and when we sometimes shared the library desk during after class, same seatings each time. That’s what I liked, our subtle routines we had.’   
  
‘And we started to chat, then Fury got to you before anything else.’ She added

’Yeah it was crazy to think about, I planned to ask you out someday back then.’

’Really, like how?’

‘Okay, don’t laugh, but I kind of had a pick up line that I wanted to say.’ He said timidly.

And with that Mel began to snicker at the thought of Phil fumbling with his nerdy pick up line.

‘You’re already laughing I haven’t even said it yet!’

’You have to tell me, come on.’

’Okay, okay. It was something like, ‘From he moment I saw you, I knew that God really did bless America.’’   
  


Mel failed to fight back the urge to not laugh. It was the most ridiculous thing that Phil had ever said to her and the history of all words said. Her laugh turned into a wheeze and she couldn’t stop. Hearing that was like gold to Phil’s ears, he loved the sound of Melinda’s laugh, it brought them back to the times when they were much more youthful and bright. He wanted to picture this moment forever.

‘Will you stop laughing?’ He chuckled and tossed a cushion to her head. Truthfully, Phil didn’t want it to stop. To hear her in such joy everyday was another one of his wishes.

’I’m sorry,’ she breathed to calm down, ‘but, uhh, was that from a book or a comic? Because that was the most cheesiest pick up line ever.’ 

‘Like I said, I planned to say it but I never really got to.’

’You chickened out!’

’You were pretty intimidating back then.’ He defended.

’You were too nerdy for me back then.’

’Wow.’

’I definitely need more wine after that.’ She waved her wine glass to Phil asking for him to fill it up.

’Yes Ma’am.’ He willingly surrendered. However, just as tried to stand up to pour the wine, the world around him was warped and it was getting darker. He needed to sit back down and breathe. Melinda was concerned. She went across to sit beside him and held onto his shoulders.

’Too much wine?’ She worried.

It wasn’t the wine. All the cheerful talk was a distraction. Only momentarily, she forgot Phil was dying.

’No,’ his voice grew quiet again, ‘it’s the other thing.’

’Hey,’ Melinda’s hand was drawing calming circles on Phil’s back, ‘why don’t you lie down, okay?’ He agreed and slowly rested himself to the back of his chair with his brows furrowed at the spiking pain.

She still sat on the edge of the beach chair, trying to give as much space yet assurance. But Phil wanted her close. He let his legs lay by the sides of the seat and patted the space between them. ‘Come here.’

‘Phil, no, you need some space.’

’No,’ he waved her over, ‘I need you.’

Such words, Melinda couldn’t ignore. She hesitantly climb up the seat, in between his legs, and laid back into his chest. And with that, he wrapped his arms around her. His lips brushed her cheek before he placed his head on her shoulder. Her lips quirked upwards at the touch. They both stared off the sea horizon until Melinda felt something drop onto her arm. She looked up and it wasn’t raining. She looked at Phil and saw the silent tears that trailed down his face. Immediately, she twisted herself around and cupped his face. Her thumbs swiped the stray tears and looked into his soft eyes. He felt so weak as he wore a sad smile on his face.

‘I love you, so much.’ Phil hushed voice wavered. It was the first time he said it, and God, it never hurt as badly as it did then. ‘So very much. I’m really grateful, to have you in all my lives I lived. You never stopped being there for me even after I told you to leave. You’ve always had my back and I promised to watch yours, but I was never as amazing as you were. I failed to see that the other you wasn’t even you and it lead to this. You’re incredible, perfect and beautiful, Mel. How did I meet someone like you?’ His voice broke by the end of his confession.

She leaned her forehead against his and they both closed their eyes.

’I love you, too. You mean a lot to me. The first time I lost you, I would’ve done anything to see you again. Back then I lost my best friend, I lost you. We didn’t even get to say goodbye,’ her breathing stuttered as she tried to compose herself, ‘But now, I’m losing you again. If it meant the Earth was destroyed to save you, I would risk it. I did risk it and here we are. Our second chance. I’m always gonna be with you. You’re just as amazing as you think I am.’

’How could you love me that much?’ Phil asked quietly.

’Because I just do. Phil, I loved your stupid ass way back then,’ she pecked his lips, ‘We were just unlucky.’

Phil cradled Melinda face and pulled her in for a longing kiss. They can feel the passion, their love and their sorrows all in that kiss. He pulled back and smiled delicately. No matter how many times he had kissed Melinda, she never failed to make his heart flutter despite his condition. It surprised him how it was possible, but it felt right.

‘Hey, let’s head inside, hm?’ She held his hand and helped him to stand, ‘we should rest.’ He just nodded in agreement. Being emotional was draining.

They lay in their spacious bed, snuggled close. With Melinda’s back to Phil’s front, he placed another kiss to the crown of her head.

’I love you.’ He whispered.

She span around in his arms, to plant a kiss to his chest, where his darkened scar was.

’I love you, too.’ She hushed as she dozed off to sleep.

He continued to stare at Melinda as she slept peacefully before him. Phil sighed, bringing his hand to stroke away the fallen hair on her face.  
‘I’m going to miss you.’ He whispered. For the first time in a while, Phil felt light and at ease even with the heavy weight of death in his chest.  
He nodded off to the low sounds of the waves and the blanket of warmth that contrasted with the mourning blues.

Melinda woke up in the same position as she fell asleep in. Phil was still. She reached up to his face and caressed his cheeks. Cold. That warmth that she loved was gone. The grip of his hands were slackened and his chest was frozen.  
‘Phil?’ She shook his shoulder. ‘Phil?’ She asked again. Nothing. And at that moment, she knew that Phil finally rested. After all the suffering, guilt and trauma, he was free, leaving her alone in their world they’ve built together. She had known from their conversation last night that it would be their last. Nonetheless, she was unprepared for the immense weight of grief that stuck her. Shock, pain, anger, guilt, broken-hearted. Melinda felt all of it as she cried heavily into his shoulder, gripping his shirt tightly, cursing the universe for being so cruel.


End file.
